when was the time when i gave up completely? :)

so, anyway =) here are my pictures in saree:

i guess for the past 2 months something is just terribly going wrong... dont take this as absolute pessimism.. believe me, i'm not the one..

i wouldnt say that past events don't make me stronger and smarter, - yes, they do.. but should it be this way, - way of loss..?

Yes, maybe I'm not so open as everyone else, and it takes time for me to start trusting a person.. but if i do trust someone - that means that this person is important to me.. and i don't want to lose him/her..so why its happening then? where is this point of misunderstanding?
and most important - why can't i do anything to change it? and the question is why.. if i would understand it..- probably it would be easier.. but i don't understand.. so i can't accept it i guess..

and i'm trying to be positive about whatever is happening, but i guess my attempts are not enough.. And i know, for some people it seems like i'm not trying at all.. and for some people i'm behaving strange.. i guess i really need a strong kick..

Sometimes I just feel like I woke up from looooong time dreaming. Sometimes I start seeing world with different eyes - some new look..
And I wondering - How could I be so narrow-minded before? why coundn't I see all of these before?

Sometimes we are so into our own world, our own thoughts, our own problems, - that we just don't see what is there around us, and what are those new opportunities and surprises the life gives us..

Well, after two months of "thinking process" about my life, i guess i know what to do next..
I'll go home, back to Russia
Probably two years of wandering around will be enough for now, and its time to take a break and try to understand where is my place..
So, I'll take this break at home.
Because its something stable, and I can think there
Because my family is close
Because its home

And if after some time I decide that my place is in Russia or India, or anywhere else.. - well.. it will be mature decision.. But if I take this kind of decision now - I'm risking to take it based on the influence of some factors like my mood, or short-term opportunities, or whatever else..

And its really time to get on my own feet :)

P.S. don't kick me if in 1 month I'll change my decision again :D

"We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act."
Swami Vivekananda

lost.. not found yet

Long time no posts, haa?

Well, last few weeks have been difficult "a bit"..Trying to understand what's going on.. - Got lost absolutely with my life, so trying to find myself back..
Noticed that I'm closing myself more and more, and don't have enough courage to open up..
Story repeats itself, again and again.. its how we say in Russia - the same raker ..Obviously I havent learnt this lesson last time, that's why I'm going through this again.. But still - how stupid I am! Still I cannot get it..
Angry with myself..

...The thought is lost.. to be continued later..

Badly wanted to throw and break something yesterday. My mobile was the only thing around.. It wouldnt survive such a hit. So, had to keep that for myself..

Life becomes temporary..Switching from one country to another..Getting something and losing something else..temporary stay, temporary neighbourhood, temporary job..Everything is coming to your life and then leaving it..And every time I have to start it all over again.. from the beginning..

This city suddenly becomes strange..Riding in the car through dark half-empty streets, listening to this sad music.. One more life offcut is over.. Life is measured by these offcuts now..How many people I've met, how many of them are left behind..Time passes and somebody is leaving, or I'm leaving and we are anywhere in the world now, but not nearby..Geography and distances..

I didnt update my blog for a long time..

And it's not really like I don't have time to write a word, it's like I just don't feel like it sometimes.. Or if I have opportunity to write - I just don't know what to write

anyways, everyting is going on ok, very good, .. just amazing! :)

I'm enjoying my life in India, I'm enjoying spending time with my friends, I'm enjoying my work.. sounds perfect, right? Well, maybe it is:)

There was a festival here.. and at the end of this festival people are going to the ocean and putting statue of god called Ganesh into the water. So we went to see it with one of my roommates..

And I still love ocean, even if sometimes I feel scared..

We decided to go through fishermen's area.. The place where they live., so we met children:)

Never imagined that i can feel so comfortable and peaceful in India.
Never felt so much "at home".
In spite of all traffic, crouds, noise, etc..

Integrating, getting friends..

and feeling time passing by.. so fast