when was the time when i gave up completely? :)

so, anyway =) here are my pictures in saree:

i guess for the past 2 months something is just terribly going wrong... dont take this as absolute pessimism.. believe me, i'm not the one..

i wouldnt say that past events don't make me stronger and smarter, - yes, they do.. but should it be this way, - way of loss..?

Yes, maybe I'm not so open as everyone else, and it takes time for me to start trusting a person.. but if i do trust someone - that means that this person is important to me.. and i don't want to lose him/her..so why its happening then? where is this point of misunderstanding?
and most important - why can't i do anything to change it? and the question is why.. if i would understand it..- probably it would be easier.. but i don't understand.. so i can't accept it i guess..

and i'm trying to be positive about whatever is happening, but i guess my attempts are not enough.. And i know, for some people it seems like i'm not trying at all.. and for some people i'm behaving strange.. i guess i really need a strong kick..